Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
My dad is sitting where you rode me
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
