I think scott just propositioned me for sex
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
