omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
