There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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