Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
