I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
