The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
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