If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
he fucked my hip out of place.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
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