I seem to have left my pride at pride
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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