Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
how does that bad decision feel?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
