Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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