Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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