i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
