On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You brought string cheese to the strip club
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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