Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
