his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
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They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
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