Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Randomize
