gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
