Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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