Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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