I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
