I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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