ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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