**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
my mouth tastes like poor choices
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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