why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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