plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
