I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
