I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
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