I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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