dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
