i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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