Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize