He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
