Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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