idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
