ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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