Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
