im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
