can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
