the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
