We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
