I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
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