Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
