hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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