My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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