Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Send us your Text From Last Night!
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
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