i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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