Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
