Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
