Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
