He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He uses pillows to masturbate.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
