I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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