Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
