You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
