i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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