I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
