if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
