toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
its not stalking. its research.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
