Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
