if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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