Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
