I think I died a long time ago.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
