Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
