You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Randomize
