and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
