There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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