frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
