Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
