I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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