She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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