Your dad touched me again.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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