U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
