Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
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