Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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