Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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