It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
