Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
