He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
the evidence from last night is not good...
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
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